I've been working several weeks now, long enough to realize the struggle to balance work and everything else in my life. The last time I was working, I was single and had no husband or child to care for with their needs and expectations. And, of course that was almost twenty years ago, and my younger self had more energy and stamina and none of the health issues I currently face. My free time was just that, free to do with as I saw fit. Now that is not the case. Free time now is a race starting the minute I walk out of work. A race to pick up groceries, drop off library books, drive my daughter to where she needs to be. Since my schedule changes with my manager's whim, it is hard to plan too far in advance and I have had to scramble to reschedule appointments. Worse, is missing social events that I was really looking forward to. But sometimes there is no alternative. Modern retail has few boundaries; stores are open seven days a week from early morning to late evening. Those shifts have to be covered, and getting off when you want for what you want, is a tricky endeavor and not always successful.
I've come to realize I must choose my battles wisely as I cannot win them all. Everything must be prioritized. Which is more important, Tuesday night choir practice or a Saturday lunch with friends? Your birthday dinner out with your husband, or your daughter's band concert? What choices are held the most dear?
My manager's only desire is to keep everything flowing smoothly. She sees to it that our little shop continues, shift after shift. Our schedule is ever changing as illness and car trouble and vacations and sick kids throw a monkey wrench into it's carefully planned precision. I've already seen tears, more than once, as schedules collide with personal lives.
Time is a scarce commodity. There's just not enough of it for any of us. Is it any different if you're a stockbroker or salesgirl? The needs of the job verses the wants of our hearts. It's a juggling act I am attempting to learn.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"back in the saddle again..."
In the days after our decision not to move, I noticed a peace that seemed to have settled upon my husband. Once the choice was made, it was made...no second guessing. I wish I could say the same.
Although Jim would be still working for several months, he spoke to me about the first of the "cuts" we might have to make in the future if he couldn't find work...eating out after church, cable channels, cancelling the newspaper, our phone (the land line), our daughter's piano lessons. It was this last one that got me up and out looking for some part-time work.
I haven't held a paying job in 17 years. That is not to say I haven't worked. When my daughter was in elementary school, there was the PTA, and volunteering in the classroom and media center several times a week. As the years went on, I became more active in my church, joining several committees, the choir, and teaching sunday school. Still, it had been a while since I had brought home a paycheck and I wasn't quite sure just what I was going to put down on the application forms.
With the start of the holiday season just around the corner, I reasoned, this would be a perfect opportunity to apply for a p/t seasonal job that would ease me back into the workforce. So I put on a nice outfit and hit the local mall going store to store. I decided to be honest and straightforward from the beginning, explaining right away that I was re-entering the job market after a 17 year gap. Most people I spoke to were understanding and kind. With the economy depressed, more and more they were seeing homemakers and seniors returning to work. This, however didn't guarantee me a job. The economy had led many to downsize the amount of Christmas help they were hiring and, naturally, they were going to take the ones with a more current work history. When I received a call to come in for a formal interview from a ladies clothes shop, I was surprised and excited.
I started work two weeks ago. I dutifully noted the dress code requirements the shop manager outlined. She was quite emphatic as she empasized hair, makeup, accessories and dress clothes-no jeans! Since I had given away most of my wardrobe as I've lost weight, I didn't have much to choose from. I went out and purchased two pairs of dress slacks, a couple shirts and comfortable, yet attractive shoes. I made an appointment to get my hair cut. I was spending my paycheck before I even made it, but I reasoned I needed to pass the store manager's inspection.
My first day, was training. I listened to several DVD's explaining store policies and what to do if you suspect someone of shoplifting.
I really started working the next day. After my seven hour shift, I came home and got into bed with some Advil and our heating pad on my lower back. I had forgotten how hard it was to stand for hours on end. I worked only 4 hours the next day and five the day after that. I finished the week with a grand total of 16 hours. At minimum wage, I figure I made about $116. I don't know how much I will bring home, as they hold back the check for two weeks.
Although Jim would be still working for several months, he spoke to me about the first of the "cuts" we might have to make in the future if he couldn't find work...eating out after church, cable channels, cancelling the newspaper, our phone (the land line), our daughter's piano lessons. It was this last one that got me up and out looking for some part-time work.
I haven't held a paying job in 17 years. That is not to say I haven't worked. When my daughter was in elementary school, there was the PTA, and volunteering in the classroom and media center several times a week. As the years went on, I became more active in my church, joining several committees, the choir, and teaching sunday school. Still, it had been a while since I had brought home a paycheck and I wasn't quite sure just what I was going to put down on the application forms.
With the start of the holiday season just around the corner, I reasoned, this would be a perfect opportunity to apply for a p/t seasonal job that would ease me back into the workforce. So I put on a nice outfit and hit the local mall going store to store. I decided to be honest and straightforward from the beginning, explaining right away that I was re-entering the job market after a 17 year gap. Most people I spoke to were understanding and kind. With the economy depressed, more and more they were seeing homemakers and seniors returning to work. This, however didn't guarantee me a job. The economy had led many to downsize the amount of Christmas help they were hiring and, naturally, they were going to take the ones with a more current work history. When I received a call to come in for a formal interview from a ladies clothes shop, I was surprised and excited.
I started work two weeks ago. I dutifully noted the dress code requirements the shop manager outlined. She was quite emphatic as she empasized hair, makeup, accessories and dress clothes-no jeans! Since I had given away most of my wardrobe as I've lost weight, I didn't have much to choose from. I went out and purchased two pairs of dress slacks, a couple shirts and comfortable, yet attractive shoes. I made an appointment to get my hair cut. I was spending my paycheck before I even made it, but I reasoned I needed to pass the store manager's inspection.
My first day, was training. I listened to several DVD's explaining store policies and what to do if you suspect someone of shoplifting.
I really started working the next day. After my seven hour shift, I came home and got into bed with some Advil and our heating pad on my lower back. I had forgotten how hard it was to stand for hours on end. I worked only 4 hours the next day and five the day after that. I finished the week with a grand total of 16 hours. At minimum wage, I figure I made about $116. I don't know how much I will bring home, as they hold back the check for two weeks.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
stay or go
Nine weeks ago my husband's company dropped a bomb on their employees and told them they were moving to Texas. They were given the choice to move, if they were asked that is, or to start 2010 unemployed. We didn't want to move, but the idea of unemployment...of possible debt, left us fearful and worried.
The old me, the one who would stuff her face every time she was stressed and unhappy, started whispering in my ear, "don't worry, eat a little something..." But I resisted, and stepped up my swimming to daily visits to the pool. When I swam, I didn't have to think about anything else except completing that lap, and then the next one...and the next... and it helped, for a few hours. Then the worried thoughts would rise up and the whispers begain again.
I didn't understand. After months of illness, I was just coming into my own. I had finally woken up and was actively trying to lose weight and regain my health by diet and swimming laps. I was exploring my relationship with God and confronting myself through Celebrate Recovery.
Why would God so drastically alter our lives at this moment?
Talking it out at Celebrate Recovery helped. The two things I realized were: God's timing is not our timing, and God's timing is always perfect. So, even though I didn't want to move, and I didn't fully understand, I needed to be open to God's will in this matter. Whether it was to stay, or to go, I needed to be obedient. Jim felt the same, but we were not sure what God's will was and our prayer was that it would be revealed to us.
We flew down to Texas look around with several other employees and their families. Every morning I woke up early and went downstairs to the hotel pool and did my laps. During this time I had conversations with God. I asked Him to help us see His will in this matter, and to prepart our hearts for whatever lay ahead. I was still afraid, but the little whispers in my ear ceased and I slept soundly and without worry. I still didn't want to move, but I was learning to trust that God would take care of us, no matter what happened.
Weeks went by and still nothing was revealed to us that would help us to know what God's will was. As time started running out, we actually started making a list with two columns, "Reasons to Stay" and "Reasons to Go". I joked that we should cast lots like they did in biblical times and even got a pair of dice out of one of our old board games. Odd number thrown-we go, even number-we stay. Jim was not amused. He was feeling the stress and begain spending more and more of his free time in his wood shop. I left him alone, figuring that it was akin to my doing laps and I hoped he was having his own conversations with God while he was out there.
School started, the pool finally closed, and the deadline to make our decision arrived. The night before Jim was suppose to go into work and tell them our decision, we sat down and hashed it out. Neither of us had experienced anything that gave us a definite clue as to God wanting us to leave the life we had, and move. Our main reason to move was the financial one. We feared Jim's unemployment. But everything else that mattered to us spoke to us as reason to stay.
We had been thinking God wanted us to step out in faith and go, but perhaps, He wanted us to stay, in faith, knowing unemployment loomed and yet trusting that He would provide.
We have decided to do just that and stay home.
"I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
The old me, the one who would stuff her face every time she was stressed and unhappy, started whispering in my ear, "don't worry, eat a little something..." But I resisted, and stepped up my swimming to daily visits to the pool. When I swam, I didn't have to think about anything else except completing that lap, and then the next one...and the next... and it helped, for a few hours. Then the worried thoughts would rise up and the whispers begain again.
I didn't understand. After months of illness, I was just coming into my own. I had finally woken up and was actively trying to lose weight and regain my health by diet and swimming laps. I was exploring my relationship with God and confronting myself through Celebrate Recovery.
Why would God so drastically alter our lives at this moment?
Talking it out at Celebrate Recovery helped. The two things I realized were: God's timing is not our timing, and God's timing is always perfect. So, even though I didn't want to move, and I didn't fully understand, I needed to be open to God's will in this matter. Whether it was to stay, or to go, I needed to be obedient. Jim felt the same, but we were not sure what God's will was and our prayer was that it would be revealed to us.
We flew down to Texas look around with several other employees and their families. Every morning I woke up early and went downstairs to the hotel pool and did my laps. During this time I had conversations with God. I asked Him to help us see His will in this matter, and to prepart our hearts for whatever lay ahead. I was still afraid, but the little whispers in my ear ceased and I slept soundly and without worry. I still didn't want to move, but I was learning to trust that God would take care of us, no matter what happened.
Weeks went by and still nothing was revealed to us that would help us to know what God's will was. As time started running out, we actually started making a list with two columns, "Reasons to Stay" and "Reasons to Go". I joked that we should cast lots like they did in biblical times and even got a pair of dice out of one of our old board games. Odd number thrown-we go, even number-we stay. Jim was not amused. He was feeling the stress and begain spending more and more of his free time in his wood shop. I left him alone, figuring that it was akin to my doing laps and I hoped he was having his own conversations with God while he was out there.
School started, the pool finally closed, and the deadline to make our decision arrived. The night before Jim was suppose to go into work and tell them our decision, we sat down and hashed it out. Neither of us had experienced anything that gave us a definite clue as to God wanting us to leave the life we had, and move. Our main reason to move was the financial one. We feared Jim's unemployment. But everything else that mattered to us spoke to us as reason to stay.
We had been thinking God wanted us to step out in faith and go, but perhaps, He wanted us to stay, in faith, knowing unemployment loomed and yet trusting that He would provide.
We have decided to do just that and stay home.
"I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, October 5, 2009
bliss
Once in awhile it's nice to treat yourself...going out to Goodberries for a small cup of no-sugar-added vanilla ice cream...Mmm...bliss!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The ying/yang of weight loss
When I first begain my journey toward health, and weight loss, I have to admit part of it was fueled by pure fear and panic. I realized with painful insight that I really was killing myself with every bite I took. I also knew that no one could do it for me and I vowed to God to get as healthy as I could.
Now, approaching the 100 lb. mark I started obsessing on that number. That, long unattainable goal. I couldn't wait. 100 pounds. I have been mentioning it to everyone, counting down the pounds...95...96...97...and a half. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that 100 is just a number, that I still have many, more pounds to lose, still have diabetes. But...100 pounds! So I went to the doctor for blood work recently with a spring in my step, and my heart pounding with excitement. Today was the day! As I stepped upon the scale my mind raced with visions of the accolades my friends and family would soon be heaping upon me. I stared expectantly at the nurse as she watched the digital readout on the scale. And...I hadn't lost anything. Not a pound, not a ounce. I could feel the smile fading from my face, as I asked the nurse to "check again, please." I weighed exactly the same as I had two weeks earlier. I hadn't gained anything, I hadn't lost anything. Limbo.
I felt frustrated. I felt cheated. I felt...guilty? You see, vows to God should never be taken lightly. Yes I had remained true to my vow, but my motives had begun to change. I was basking in the glow of self-congratulation and enamoured with the idea of losing 100 pounds. I had forgotten that it was only through God I was able to do anything. It wasn't MY strength of will , it was HIS. The goal wasn't 100 pounds...it was getting healthy. Whatever purpose God has for my life, I need to be healthy enough to fulfill it. THAT's the goal. Living to see my daughter grow up...that's the reward. God in His infinite wisdom gently deflated my prideful balloon and reminded me of that.
My journey is a humbling one.
A few days ago I went shopping with my Mom and daughter. While Mom was in the dressing room, I decided to kill the wait time by trying on a pair of jeans. Jeans are a big deal to me, because I haven't been able to fit into jeans for years They were too big! Incredulously, I tried on two more pairs, each one a smaller size than the last. I cannot express how thrilled I was. And best of all? My daughter was there.
I am now a owner of a pair of jeans.
My journey is a joyous one.
Now, approaching the 100 lb. mark I started obsessing on that number. That, long unattainable goal. I couldn't wait. 100 pounds. I have been mentioning it to everyone, counting down the pounds...95...96...97...and a half. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that 100 is just a number, that I still have many, more pounds to lose, still have diabetes. But...100 pounds! So I went to the doctor for blood work recently with a spring in my step, and my heart pounding with excitement. Today was the day! As I stepped upon the scale my mind raced with visions of the accolades my friends and family would soon be heaping upon me. I stared expectantly at the nurse as she watched the digital readout on the scale. And...I hadn't lost anything. Not a pound, not a ounce. I could feel the smile fading from my face, as I asked the nurse to "check again, please." I weighed exactly the same as I had two weeks earlier. I hadn't gained anything, I hadn't lost anything. Limbo.
I felt frustrated. I felt cheated. I felt...guilty? You see, vows to God should never be taken lightly. Yes I had remained true to my vow, but my motives had begun to change. I was basking in the glow of self-congratulation and enamoured with the idea of losing 100 pounds. I had forgotten that it was only through God I was able to do anything. It wasn't MY strength of will , it was HIS. The goal wasn't 100 pounds...it was getting healthy. Whatever purpose God has for my life, I need to be healthy enough to fulfill it. THAT's the goal. Living to see my daughter grow up...that's the reward. God in His infinite wisdom gently deflated my prideful balloon and reminded me of that.
My journey is a humbling one.
A few days ago I went shopping with my Mom and daughter. While Mom was in the dressing room, I decided to kill the wait time by trying on a pair of jeans. Jeans are a big deal to me, because I haven't been able to fit into jeans for years They were too big! Incredulously, I tried on two more pairs, each one a smaller size than the last. I cannot express how thrilled I was. And best of all? My daughter was there.
I am now a owner of a pair of jeans.
My journey is a joyous one.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Joy...and temptations.
My mother has come to visit for a few weeks! I am so excited to see her. However, while this occasion brings with it great joy, it also brings great temptations. In the past any visitor has been a wonderful excuse for excessive eating in every way, shape, or form I could imagine. Dining out for brunches, lunches and dinners, rich desserts, and, of course, the making of special, oh-so fattening recipes. "I'm so glad you're here, let's celebrate!" As they say, "food is love", at least to those of us who love food!
What to do? Depite the fact that my Mom swears she just wants to eat exactly the same way I have been eating, she's hinted at dining at special restaurants we've frequented with her in the past. We've also already started receiving invitations to dine out with friends who know Mom is in town. I do not want to be the party pooper, and yet...I'm afraid. Being blasted with temptation will wear me down. I do not want to fall. There is safety in my daily routine.
All I can do is follow my diet today, pray for strength, and worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.
"One day at a time..." it's all I can do.
What to do? Depite the fact that my Mom swears she just wants to eat exactly the same way I have been eating, she's hinted at dining at special restaurants we've frequented with her in the past. We've also already started receiving invitations to dine out with friends who know Mom is in town. I do not want to be the party pooper, and yet...I'm afraid. Being blasted with temptation will wear me down. I do not want to fall. There is safety in my daily routine.
All I can do is follow my diet today, pray for strength, and worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.
"One day at a time..." it's all I can do.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Celebrate Recovery
I have been overweight my entire life. I was a chubby child, a plump teen and a fat adult. I had grown comfortable in my fat, like a big, soft robe that wrapped around me and insulated me from the world. I had been blessed to find and marry a man who loved me and I had people in my life who cared about me and accepted me as I was. I had convinced myself I no longer needed to worry about losing weight. In fact, I reasoned, I couldn't lose weight! I was one of those people destined to always be heavy, and I should just accept myself as I was. Yes, in acceptance, I would find peace. It was too late for me, but that was OK, because that meant I could eat what I wanted, and how much I wanted. So I turned a blind eye to the consequences.
However, sooner or later we will reap what we sow and the day came where I had to face the fact that my actions had taken their toll on me with high blood pressure, diabetes, & heart damage.
I did it to myself.
I realized though, I couldn't fix it by myself. First, I turned to God and asked for help. I begged Him for strength to stay true to my diet. I needed more, though, and God provided it through Celebrate Recovery.
Celebrate Recovery is a faith-based recovery program that can help you overcome your "hurts, habits and hangups". It was founded by John Baker of Saddleback Church-the church known for Rick Warren and his "Purpose-Driven Life" ministry. Based on the eight recovery principals found in the Beatitudes, given by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount.
And it just so happened that there was a women's Celebrate Recovery group that met at my church every Saturday afternoon. AND, they were just beginning the first book. AND, two different friends casually mentioned it might be something I could find helpful. I felt again God tapping me on my shoulder, "You need to do this".
I didn't want to go, though. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. I didn't belong there, I reasoned. It was for "other" people who had "real" problems, not someone like me, just stuggling to lose weight. And, giving up time on a Saturday afternoon-unthinkable!
God was working on my heart though. I became aware that all my life I had used food for comfort, as a reward, as entertainment. I was as compulsive about food as any addict. My health and my life were out of control, I needed help. I spoke to my husband about it, secretly hoping he would object to the Saturday meetings. He didn't, he felt it would help. So, I decided to give it a try.
The basic framework of Celebrate Recovery is the same as other recovery groups like AA. We talk. What is said at the meeting stays at the meeting. You can open up freely and let out your fears, frustrations, challenges and triumphs. More than once tears have been shed.
Britt leads our group. She's been through this journey herself and with God's help, conquered her demons. Her faith is strong.
We have a booklet with a lesson we've read at home. We discuss and review our lesson and afterwards, there are some questions to answer. Sometimes I don't know what the answer is. At times, my answers have changed as God works in me.
At home, I try to put into practice what I have learned. Some days it's harder than others, but I am convinced that Celebrate Recovery is the road to recovery.
"You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" Jeremiah 6:14, TLB
However, sooner or later we will reap what we sow and the day came where I had to face the fact that my actions had taken their toll on me with high blood pressure, diabetes, & heart damage.
I did it to myself.
I realized though, I couldn't fix it by myself. First, I turned to God and asked for help. I begged Him for strength to stay true to my diet. I needed more, though, and God provided it through Celebrate Recovery.
Celebrate Recovery is a faith-based recovery program that can help you overcome your "hurts, habits and hangups". It was founded by John Baker of Saddleback Church-the church known for Rick Warren and his "Purpose-Driven Life" ministry. Based on the eight recovery principals found in the Beatitudes, given by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount.
And it just so happened that there was a women's Celebrate Recovery group that met at my church every Saturday afternoon. AND, they were just beginning the first book. AND, two different friends casually mentioned it might be something I could find helpful. I felt again God tapping me on my shoulder, "You need to do this".
I didn't want to go, though. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. I didn't belong there, I reasoned. It was for "other" people who had "real" problems, not someone like me, just stuggling to lose weight. And, giving up time on a Saturday afternoon-unthinkable!
God was working on my heart though. I became aware that all my life I had used food for comfort, as a reward, as entertainment. I was as compulsive about food as any addict. My health and my life were out of control, I needed help. I spoke to my husband about it, secretly hoping he would object to the Saturday meetings. He didn't, he felt it would help. So, I decided to give it a try.
The basic framework of Celebrate Recovery is the same as other recovery groups like AA. We talk. What is said at the meeting stays at the meeting. You can open up freely and let out your fears, frustrations, challenges and triumphs. More than once tears have been shed.
Britt leads our group. She's been through this journey herself and with God's help, conquered her demons. Her faith is strong.
We have a booklet with a lesson we've read at home. We discuss and review our lesson and afterwards, there are some questions to answer. Sometimes I don't know what the answer is. At times, my answers have changed as God works in me.
At home, I try to put into practice what I have learned. Some days it's harder than others, but I am convinced that Celebrate Recovery is the road to recovery.
"You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" Jeremiah 6:14, TLB
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Daily Diet
I am no dieting expert, so I am hesitant to give dieting advice. All I can say is what I myself have been doing, and what has helped me. Since I am a Type 2 diabetic, my meal plan is diabetic AND dietetic. I have a basic daily diet plan and a booklet with "exchange" choices and the amounts I am allowed. Portion sizes are the key, so I must weigh my food. It's as simple as that. Buy a food scale, if you don't have one. I eat 5 times a day, three meals and two snacks, with a minimum of three hours between eating. I do not eat after 9:30 PM. So, for me if breakfast is at 9 AM, then lunch is at 12:30, a snack at 3:30, dinner at 6:30, and a late snack/dessert at 9:30 PM.
Diabetics must test their blood, to monitor their blood glucose levels. When I was first diagnosed, I resented every time I had to prick my finger and test my blood. I did it less and less, until I stopped completely. However now, I know that maintaining proper glucose levels are essential to my health. Of course, those of you who are not diabetic, can skip that part!
I also keep a food journal, something I never thought I would do, that's for sure! It has helped, though. Write down the date, everything you eat, and the time it's eaten. To work, you must be honest with your journal and yourself. If you slip up, write it down.
Carbs are not a diabetic's friend, so I must limit the amount of carbs I have at mealtimes. This practice would be a good policy for non-diabetics, too. If you control your carbs, you are going to lose weight. I am allowed 45 grams of carbs at the 3 main meals and 15 grams of carbs per snack. I've also learned to read nutrition labels. The carbs, sodium and calories per serving is important. Since I am overweight, I also must limit the amount of protein (meat/fish, cheese, eggs, etc. ) I consume. I can have 2 oz. of protein at lunch, 3 oz. at dinner. NO protein at breakfast. That's been hard! So, a typical day for me is:
BREAKFAST: 1/2 cup oatmeal with 1/3 banana, cinnamon and fat free milk (NOTE: 1/4 cup uncooked oatmeal = 1/2 cooked oatmeal)
LUNCH: 2 slices NATURE'S OWN sugar-free wheat bread (11 grams carbs, per slice), 2 oz. tuna fish, (low sodium, packed in water), mixed with 1 Tb. light mayonaise, and sprinkle of MRS. DASH (no salt) lemon pepper, chopped onion, lettuce, and tomato.
SNACK: 1 medium-size nectarine
DINNER: 3 oz. turkey meatloaf, 1/3 cup mashed potatos, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/3 cup carrots, sliced tomato.
SNACK: 1 JELLO sugar-free pudding cup with 1 tsp. sugar-free COOL WHIP on top.
Here are a few of the things I have learned that help when you go out to eat: Skip the bread, ask for your salad dressing "on the side", cut your portion in half before you take one bite-and bring the rest home, watch out for sauces and gravies when ordering, keep track of how much sodium is in what you're eating.
For snack ideas: 15 grams of carbs =12 mini pretzels, 8 animal crackers, 1/2 large apple, 1 medium nectarine, 1 sugar-free pudding cup, 1 SOY JOY bar (16 grams), 1/16 slice of sugar free cheesecake.
I have found some good information and recipes in DIABETIC LIVING magazine. DLife. com is also a good online resource for recipes. From time to time I'll post some that I've had success with. NOTE: Anyone can benefit from these healthy recipes, they are not just for diabetics.
The truth is, there are many good diet plans available out there to choose from. Sticking to your diet is the difficult part. I have never been able to stay on a diet long enough for it to make a difference. It was too hard. I failed over and over. This time, I knew I couldn't do it alone and I asked God for help. That made all the difference. I finally realized that I was powerless over my compulsive eating and that wasn't going to change no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18) With this realization I begain to seek God's help and to pray for Him to strengthen my self-control. "And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out." (1 Corinthians 10:13) I am on my way, one day at a time.
Diabetics must test their blood, to monitor their blood glucose levels. When I was first diagnosed, I resented every time I had to prick my finger and test my blood. I did it less and less, until I stopped completely. However now, I know that maintaining proper glucose levels are essential to my health. Of course, those of you who are not diabetic, can skip that part!
I also keep a food journal, something I never thought I would do, that's for sure! It has helped, though. Write down the date, everything you eat, and the time it's eaten. To work, you must be honest with your journal and yourself. If you slip up, write it down.
Carbs are not a diabetic's friend, so I must limit the amount of carbs I have at mealtimes. This practice would be a good policy for non-diabetics, too. If you control your carbs, you are going to lose weight. I am allowed 45 grams of carbs at the 3 main meals and 15 grams of carbs per snack. I've also learned to read nutrition labels. The carbs, sodium and calories per serving is important. Since I am overweight, I also must limit the amount of protein (meat/fish, cheese, eggs, etc. ) I consume. I can have 2 oz. of protein at lunch, 3 oz. at dinner. NO protein at breakfast. That's been hard! So, a typical day for me is:
BREAKFAST: 1/2 cup oatmeal with 1/3 banana, cinnamon and fat free milk (NOTE: 1/4 cup uncooked oatmeal = 1/2 cooked oatmeal)
LUNCH: 2 slices NATURE'S OWN sugar-free wheat bread (11 grams carbs, per slice), 2 oz. tuna fish, (low sodium, packed in water), mixed with 1 Tb. light mayonaise, and sprinkle of MRS. DASH (no salt) lemon pepper, chopped onion, lettuce, and tomato.
SNACK: 1 medium-size nectarine
DINNER: 3 oz. turkey meatloaf, 1/3 cup mashed potatos, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/3 cup carrots, sliced tomato.
SNACK: 1 JELLO sugar-free pudding cup with 1 tsp. sugar-free COOL WHIP on top.
Here are a few of the things I have learned that help when you go out to eat: Skip the bread, ask for your salad dressing "on the side", cut your portion in half before you take one bite-and bring the rest home, watch out for sauces and gravies when ordering, keep track of how much sodium is in what you're eating.
For snack ideas: 15 grams of carbs =12 mini pretzels, 8 animal crackers, 1/2 large apple, 1 medium nectarine, 1 sugar-free pudding cup, 1 SOY JOY bar (16 grams), 1/16 slice of sugar free cheesecake.
I have found some good information and recipes in DIABETIC LIVING magazine. DLife. com is also a good online resource for recipes. From time to time I'll post some that I've had success with. NOTE: Anyone can benefit from these healthy recipes, they are not just for diabetics.
The truth is, there are many good diet plans available out there to choose from. Sticking to your diet is the difficult part. I have never been able to stay on a diet long enough for it to make a difference. It was too hard. I failed over and over. This time, I knew I couldn't do it alone and I asked God for help. That made all the difference. I finally realized that I was powerless over my compulsive eating and that wasn't going to change no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18) With this realization I begain to seek God's help and to pray for Him to strengthen my self-control. "And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out." (1 Corinthians 10:13) I am on my way, one day at a time.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
baby steps
I hate exercise, I really do. To me, it makes you tired, hot and sweaty. Dispite being married to a man who daily rides his bike 11 miles to work each way, that hasn't changed. So, it should come as no surprise that I have avoided doing any form of exercise for years. Every year my doctor would urge me to start up some form of exercise and I would promise I would, but of course I didn't. I'd hastily assure him, "Oh, but I swim...", but what that really meant was, floating around the pool on my noodle and then stretching out in the warm sun with a mystery novel in one hand and a pool-side snack in the other!
I was pretty sick when I started my diet, so exercise was out of the question. In fact, it was prohibited by my doctor. As time went on and I got stronger, I realized the weight wouldn't continue to melt off without some form of phyical activity. The problem was, that years of carrying excess weight had done damage to my knees, and the terrain in my neighborhood is on the hilly side. The thing about hills, when you walk down them, ultimately you have to walk up them again! Lucky for me, it was a rainy spring, so I managed to put off doing anything physical until the warm weather arrived. Finally, come the summer, I resolved to get off my "noodle", so to speak, and to try to do some actual swimming.
I wasn't even sure if I remember how to actually swim across a pool, it had been so long. I started by trying what I thought might be the breast stroke, with some sort of frog leg kick. Slowly, I made it accross the length of the pool and back again. After a few laps, my back was aching and my heart was beating uncomfortably in my chest so I stopped. The next day, I tried again. "Baby steps..." I thought as I made my way across the pool. I ignored the other swimmers who passed me by...and then passed me again, while I was still struggling to make it to the end of the pool. "Lord", I prayed, "Help me to do this." I knew God wanted me to get myself healthy and I knew He would help me if I asked Him to. I started swimming laps a few times a week, counting how many I could do in an hour. Just a few at first. Slowly that increased, one lap at a time.
Summer is ending and the pool closes in a few days. I swim every morning now, though I am still by far the slowest one in the pool. I don't care. I pray as I go, asking for continued help with my diet and the strengthening of my self-control. I turn over my anxieties and burdens to Him. For so long food was my comfort and my refuge. How much better it is to turn to God. Baby steps.
The nights have turned cooler now and the water temperature has dropped accordingly. Some mornings it takes all my strength just to get in. This morning I stood on the steps and prayed that God would help me to withstand the icy water. I offered up the swimming of my laps as a offering to the Lord and got in the pool.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him to help you do it and He will." Psalm 37:5 TLB
I was pretty sick when I started my diet, so exercise was out of the question. In fact, it was prohibited by my doctor. As time went on and I got stronger, I realized the weight wouldn't continue to melt off without some form of phyical activity. The problem was, that years of carrying excess weight had done damage to my knees, and the terrain in my neighborhood is on the hilly side. The thing about hills, when you walk down them, ultimately you have to walk up them again! Lucky for me, it was a rainy spring, so I managed to put off doing anything physical until the warm weather arrived. Finally, come the summer, I resolved to get off my "noodle", so to speak, and to try to do some actual swimming.
I wasn't even sure if I remember how to actually swim across a pool, it had been so long. I started by trying what I thought might be the breast stroke, with some sort of frog leg kick. Slowly, I made it accross the length of the pool and back again. After a few laps, my back was aching and my heart was beating uncomfortably in my chest so I stopped. The next day, I tried again. "Baby steps..." I thought as I made my way across the pool. I ignored the other swimmers who passed me by...and then passed me again, while I was still struggling to make it to the end of the pool. "Lord", I prayed, "Help me to do this." I knew God wanted me to get myself healthy and I knew He would help me if I asked Him to. I started swimming laps a few times a week, counting how many I could do in an hour. Just a few at first. Slowly that increased, one lap at a time.
Summer is ending and the pool closes in a few days. I swim every morning now, though I am still by far the slowest one in the pool. I don't care. I pray as I go, asking for continued help with my diet and the strengthening of my self-control. I turn over my anxieties and burdens to Him. For so long food was my comfort and my refuge. How much better it is to turn to God. Baby steps.
The nights have turned cooler now and the water temperature has dropped accordingly. Some mornings it takes all my strength just to get in. This morning I stood on the steps and prayed that God would help me to withstand the icy water. I offered up the swimming of my laps as a offering to the Lord and got in the pool.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him to help you do it and He will." Psalm 37:5 TLB
Thursday, September 3, 2009
So I ate all the croutons...
Tonight I went out to dinner with my friend Jill. Going out to eat poses a challenge for those of us on a diet. In my case, I chose to go to a restaurant where I already knew the menu and could "pre-plan" what I was going to order. This way, I would not leave myself open to the temptation of ordering something I suspected would endanger my diet. When confronted with temptation, I've learned, don't give yourself time to rationalize a bad choice.
We went to a restaurant called, "The Loop", and I ordered the tomato soup/salad combo. The Loop has an excellent tomato soup and it didn't bother me that I couldn't have the burgers or pizzas I saw being served around me. I did allow myself to eat the croutons on my salad, something I might have passed on previously, but by getting the salad instead of a sandwich or wrap, I saved on my allowed carbs. So I ate all the yummy croutons and felt quite indulgent.
We went to a restaurant called, "The Loop", and I ordered the tomato soup/salad combo. The Loop has an excellent tomato soup and it didn't bother me that I couldn't have the burgers or pizzas I saw being served around me. I did allow myself to eat the croutons on my salad, something I might have passed on previously, but by getting the salad instead of a sandwich or wrap, I saved on my allowed carbs. So I ate all the yummy croutons and felt quite indulgent.
"Just keep swimming..."
During the months following my heart incident, I was very sick. My cardiologist had put me on a beta blocker which was slowing down my heart to prevent the rapid heartbeat from happening again. That, coupled with my high blood sugar levels coming down due to diet and even more medicine, left me weak and ill. Most days found me facing dizziness with bouts of nausea. Consequently, it was easy to stay on my diet-I could barely face eating!
One evening, I was laying in bed watching the movie, "Finding Nemo". I had taken to watching shows that were familar and comforting. I avoided anything with drama or action as they seemed to trigger a wave of illness as my heart reacted to any emotional stimulus. As I weakly lay there in my darkened bedroom, the fish Dorie, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, repeated over and over, "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming..." And I found myself repeating the words with her, in the same sing-song voice, "just keep swimming...". Scatterbrained Dorie was just making a statement, no deep philosophical meaning behind it to her, but it's deeper meaning was not lost on me. From then on whenever that familar wave of weakness and nausea hit me, I chanted under my breath Dorie's words, "just keep swimming...". It really helped.
One evening, I was laying in bed watching the movie, "Finding Nemo". I had taken to watching shows that were familar and comforting. I avoided anything with drama or action as they seemed to trigger a wave of illness as my heart reacted to any emotional stimulus. As I weakly lay there in my darkened bedroom, the fish Dorie, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, repeated over and over, "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming..." And I found myself repeating the words with her, in the same sing-song voice, "just keep swimming...". Scatterbrained Dorie was just making a statement, no deep philosophical meaning behind it to her, but it's deeper meaning was not lost on me. From then on whenever that familar wave of weakness and nausea hit me, I chanted under my breath Dorie's words, "just keep swimming...". It really helped.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Background
I suppose some background needs to be filled in, for all of this to make sense. You see, I almost died in January. Or, at least, I thought I was going to die, I really did. The ambulance came and my heart was beating so fast-200 beats per minute. I thought I was having a heart attack. The EMS guys told me they were going to give me something that would stop my heart for a few seconds and then restart it again. They laid me down on the streacher and did it. And I thought..."will I see my daughter ever again? Is this my last day on earth?"
On that day in January I weighed 323 pounds. I can write that number down now without shame-something I never would have been able to do in the past. I can write it down because when God gave me a second chance at life, I vowed I would do my best to get healthy, and change my life for the better. I have Type 2 Diabetes, and had ignored it. My blood pressure had steadily been going up, and I ignored it. My weight was the highest it had ever been, and I...you get the idea. And now, the doctor said my heart was screwed up, but this I couldn't ignore-and live. So I went on a diet, started keeping a food journal, and started praying that God would help me...and He did. As of this post, I have lost 90 pounds. I still have a long way to go. I'm still on medicine for my heart and my diabetes. My heart still gives me bad days sometimes, but it's a lot better than it was.
The diet was the beginning, I also realized my attitude had to change. I had to accept the fact that I had done this to myself. I knew that for a long time, God had been tapping me on my shoulder, trying to get my attention but as I said before, I was good at ignoring what I didn't want to face. God will gently try to get our attention for only so long. Then He gives us a well-deserved kick in the pants! Mine came on that chilly January morning.
On that day in January I weighed 323 pounds. I can write that number down now without shame-something I never would have been able to do in the past. I can write it down because when God gave me a second chance at life, I vowed I would do my best to get healthy, and change my life for the better. I have Type 2 Diabetes, and had ignored it. My blood pressure had steadily been going up, and I ignored it. My weight was the highest it had ever been, and I...you get the idea. And now, the doctor said my heart was screwed up, but this I couldn't ignore-and live. So I went on a diet, started keeping a food journal, and started praying that God would help me...and He did. As of this post, I have lost 90 pounds. I still have a long way to go. I'm still on medicine for my heart and my diabetes. My heart still gives me bad days sometimes, but it's a lot better than it was.
The diet was the beginning, I also realized my attitude had to change. I had to accept the fact that I had done this to myself. I knew that for a long time, God had been tapping me on my shoulder, trying to get my attention but as I said before, I was good at ignoring what I didn't want to face. God will gently try to get our attention for only so long. Then He gives us a well-deserved kick in the pants! Mine came on that chilly January morning.
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