"back in the saddle again..."

In the days after our decision not to move, I noticed a peace that seemed to have settled upon my husband. Once the choice was made, it was made...no second guessing. I wish I could say the same.
Although Jim would be still working for several months, he spoke to me about the first of the "cuts" we might have to make in the future if he couldn't find work...eating out after church, cable channels, cancelling the newspaper, our phone (the land line), our daughter's piano lessons. It was this last one that got me up and out looking for some part-time work.
I haven't held a paying job in 17 years. That is not to say I haven't worked. When my daughter was in elementary school, there was the PTA, and volunteering in the classroom and media center several times a week. As the years went on, I became more active in my church, joining several committees, the choir, and teaching sunday school. Still, it had been a while since I had brought home a paycheck and I wasn't quite sure just what I was going to put down on the application forms.
With the start of the holiday season just around the corner, I reasoned, this would be a perfect opportunity to apply for a p/t seasonal job that would ease me back into the workforce. So I put on a nice outfit and hit the local mall going store to store. I decided to be honest and straightforward from the beginning, explaining right away that I was re-entering the job market after a 17 year gap. Most people I spoke to were understanding and kind. With the economy depressed, more and more they were seeing homemakers and seniors returning to work. This, however didn't guarantee me a job. The economy had led many to downsize the amount of Christmas help they were hiring and, naturally, they were going to take the ones with a more current work history. When I received a call to come in for a formal interview from a ladies clothes shop, I was surprised and excited.
I started work two weeks ago. I dutifully noted the dress code requirements the shop manager outlined. She was quite emphatic as she empasized hair, makeup, accessories and dress clothes-no jeans! Since I had given away most of my wardrobe as I've lost weight, I didn't have much to choose from. I went out and purchased two pairs of dress slacks, a couple shirts and comfortable, yet attractive shoes. I made an appointment to get my hair cut. I was spending my paycheck before I even made it, but I reasoned I needed to pass the store manager's inspection.
My first day, was training. I listened to several DVD's explaining store policies and what to do if you suspect someone of shoplifting.
I really started working the next day. After my seven hour shift, I came home and got into bed with some Advil and our heating pad on my lower back. I had forgotten how hard it was to stand for hours on end. I worked only 4 hours the next day and five the day after that. I finished the week with a grand total of 16 hours. At minimum wage, I figure I made about $116. I don't know how much I will bring home, as they hold back the check for two weeks.

stay or go

Nine weeks ago my husband's company dropped a bomb on their employees and told them they were moving to Texas. They were given the choice to move, if they were asked that is, or to start 2010 unemployed. We didn't want to move, but the idea of unemployment...of possible debt, left us fearful and worried.
The old me, the one who would stuff her face every time she was stressed and unhappy, started whispering in my ear, "don't worry, eat a little something..." But I resisted, and stepped up my swimming to daily visits to the pool. When I swam, I didn't have to think about anything else except completing that lap, and then the next one...and the next... and it helped, for a few hours. Then the worried thoughts would rise up and the whispers begain again.
I didn't understand. After months of illness, I was just coming into my own. I had finally woken up and was actively trying to lose weight and regain my health by diet and swimming laps. I was exploring my relationship with God and confronting myself through Celebrate Recovery.
Why would God so drastically alter our lives at this moment?
Talking it out at Celebrate Recovery helped. The two things I realized were: God's timing is not our timing, and God's timing is always perfect. So, even though I didn't want to move, and I didn't fully understand, I needed to be open to God's will in this matter. Whether it was to stay, or to go, I needed to be obedient. Jim felt the same, but we were not sure what God's will was and our prayer was that it would be revealed to us.
We flew down to Texas look around with several other employees and their families. Every morning I woke up early and went downstairs to the hotel pool and did my laps. During this time I had conversations with God. I asked Him to help us see His will in this matter, and to prepart our hearts for whatever lay ahead. I was still afraid, but the little whispers in my ear ceased and I slept soundly and without worry. I still didn't want to move, but I was learning to trust that God would take care of us, no matter what happened.
Weeks went by and still nothing was revealed to us that would help us to know what God's will was. As time started running out, we actually started making a list with two columns, "Reasons to Stay" and "Reasons to Go". I joked that we should cast lots like they did in biblical times and even got a pair of dice out of one of our old board games. Odd number thrown-we go, even number-we stay. Jim was not amused. He was feeling the stress and begain spending more and more of his free time in his wood shop. I left him alone, figuring that it was akin to my doing laps and I hoped he was having his own conversations with God while he was out there.
School started, the pool finally closed, and the deadline to make our decision arrived. The night before Jim was suppose to go into work and tell them our decision, we sat down and hashed it out. Neither of us had experienced anything that gave us a definite clue as to God wanting us to leave the life we had, and move. Our main reason to move was the financial one. We feared Jim's unemployment. But everything else that mattered to us spoke to us as reason to stay.
We had been thinking God wanted us to step out in faith and go, but perhaps, He wanted us to stay, in faith, knowing unemployment loomed and yet trusting that He would provide.
We have decided to do just that and stay home.
"I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

bliss

Once in awhile it's nice to treat yourself...going out to Goodberries for a small cup of no-sugar-added vanilla ice cream...Mmm...bliss!